A blog I visit regularly (Bring the Rain) recently had a make -over. I cannot create anything nearly as wonderful as hers (nor can I afford to have my blog designed by a blog designer).
But as I sat looking at my own blog, I suddenly realized that it is mainly about Blake... and it is pink. I realize the name of my blog is all about Lilly, so pink is fitting for her. However, I want to celebrate the life that I have... not dwell on what is lost. During this thought process it ocurred to me that in order to do that... to celebrate life... I needed to change the focus of my blog (or at least the color of it) so that it highlights Blake. Thus, the change to blue :)
I am so thankful to God that I have Blake. For those of you who may not know, I was told at age 18 that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Perhaps I will post that story at some point. So when I found out I was pregnant for Blake it was such a blessing. And even though it was long before I lost Lilly, I worried throughout my entire pregnancy with him. Perhaps, somehow, I knew I would lose a child.
I am also thankful that God allowed me to become pregnant with Lilly. Even though I never got to feel her move inside me... never got to see her heart beating on the ultra sound monitor.... never got to hold her.... never got to count her tiny toes and fingers... never even got to plan her life because the day that I found out I had her... I also found out I was losing her. That story is somewhere in the archives of my blog.... I suppose I should find it and link it here, but I figure the only folks who even read my blog have already read it.
Knowing that God let us have her for a tiny little bit of time makes me feel so blessed. He trusted us with her short life.
I know there will be bad days. That's just how life goes. Good days, bad days. I have my fair share of both.
But in both the good and the bad I still find ways to thank God for what I have.