I had to take the cats to the vet today. They needed rabies boosters.
I go to the garage to get the kitty carriers. One is easily accessible. The other is up in the rafters. Even if I stand on the "do not use this as a step" part of the ladder, I cann't reach the carrier. So I resort to using a long wooden rod.
The carrier comes crashing down... hits the recycle bin... then flies across the garage, landing in a pile of junk that Michael has left.
I put on my climbing gear and retreive the carrier. Grab the other carrier and proceed into the house.
Carriers in place. *check*
I go into the bathroom to get a couple of towels from the closet.
Towels into carriers. *check* Hey, this isn't so bad.
I walk into the office (where the carriers are NOT) and call, "Kitty! Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"
Sam comes running... well, as much as a 24 pound cat CAN run.
Scoop Sam up... or rather, muster all my strength to lift him and carry him to the den (where the carriers are). Walk to carrier, bend over to put cat in, struggle with cat to get his four legs off the edge of the carrier door. One foot..... 2 feet.... 3 feet.... dammit! One foot.... 2 feet.... 3 feeeetttt..... 4..DAMMIT! Alright cat! One, two, three... SHOVE. Slam door of carrier. Open door of carrier and dislodge Sam's tail from being stuck in the door.
Sam begins to howl.
Back to office. "Here kitty kitty kitty kitty!"
Yeah right. Ted's too smart for that nonsense. He KNOWS the only time I call is if I'm trying to get him to do something he's not going to like.
So I head upstairs. Dolly and Honey follow me. I lay on bed in a feeble attempt to make Ted believe I want to snuggle.
Suddenly there is a flash of grey and white followed by a flash of copper and the highest pitched barking I've ever heard from Dolly! Teddy races down the hallway and down the stairs with Dolly in hot pursuit.
Yeah, thanks Dolly... that's EXACTLY what I needed to happen.
Down the stairs I go. I hear Dolly barking in the den so I know Teddy must be in there. I start down the hallway towards the den and Teddy comes tearing out of the den and down the hallway towards me with a look of sheer terror on his face.
I quickly weigh my options... attempt to catch cat who is NOT declawed, but has has his claws recently trimmed. Or let cat go back upstairs and under bed where it will take a small army at least an hour to get him out.
I grab the cat.
He begins to yowl. He knows.
Back to the den where the waiting carrier sits mocking me. Yeah, like THAT cat is going in THERE!
Repeat same routine as I did with Sam.. except I didn't slam Ted's tail in the door.
Go out to garage. Open garage door. Open hatch of the van. Back in the house. Grab both carriers. Both cats instantly shift to the very BACK of the carriers which makes both carriers lurch. Get Sam's carrier caught between van and tool rack.
Set Sam down. Put Ted in van. Whole time speaking softly, "I know. It's Ok. We won't be gone long."
Get Sam through maze of junk in garage and into van.
Get in van. Turn up music to drown out yowling cats. Drive to vet, put on blinker, realize this is the pediatrician's office... not the vet!
Turn off blinker. Drive to vet. Haul cats into building. Get accosted by resident dogs... who so desperately need attention! One of them finally left... the other laid on my feet between the cat carriers.
Dr. W decides she wants to see Teddy first. Open carrier. Grab Ted with both hands. Pull carrier across floor using cat as handle. Vet tech grabs carrier. Finally get cat out. Put him on table where he promptly flattens himself out like a pancake and GLARES at me. I just KNOW he's plotting something while I sleep.
Ted's done... time for Sam I Am.
Open door of carrier. Vet tech holds carrier. Get down on hands and knees, grab Sam, pull with all my might. Finally get him out (I swear there was a "pop" sound as he popped out of the carrier). Put him on table. Vet looks up (she was doing something in a drawer) and takes step back, "Wow! That is one big cat!" Yeah, thanks.
Sam gets all checked out... looking good... except she found a couple of fleas on him. How in the HELL does he have fleas in Michigan in the WINTER???
Get Sam back in carrier. Haul cats out to waiting room. Tell receptionist that I need Frontline, and that I may as well get it for the dogs too. Go to van for more money. Haul both cats in carriers, 3 packages of Frontline and 6 pages of receipt (for some reason they have to print one for each thing) out to van.
On the drive home I SWEAR I heard them plotting in the way back.
Sam I Am in his favorite pose.