Monday, August 2, 2010

My angel

Some people have forgotten you.
I never will.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
I wonder what you would look like, what you would sound like, how you would smell
I wonder who you would look like, if you and your big brother would get along, would you like water as much as he does?
Would you like fruits and veggies? Or peanut butter? (Your daddy LOVES it, you know?)
I wonder if people have stopped talking about you because they have forgotten you, or if they think it will hurt me too much to be "reminded" of you? As if I need to be reminded. As if I could EVER forget how my heart is missing a piece. How my arms ache to hold you. How my brain reels when I see a little girl who looks to be about the age you should be... wondering...

You would be getting ready for Kindergarten. Just as your big brother is leaving that school, to go to his new school... you would be entering it. I know which teacher I would request for you. I know how our morning routine would go. I long to read you bedtime stories and tuck you in and kiss your forehead, wishing you sweet dreams.

I think some people think I have forgotten you. That I have "moved on". Oh how I hate that term!

Those people... they are outsiders. They don't understand. Your Aunt Tricia has said that we belong to an exclusive club, and people who don't belong to this club can never understand the pain we feel. Can never understand the emptiness we feel. Can just never understand.

Ironic how I can miss someone I never got to meet.

I miss you Lilly Angel. I love you... always and forever.

~ Mommy ♥


Stacey said...

I haven't forgotten her.

Jo said...

Thank you Stacey. ♥ I haven't forgotten your angels either.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

Oh Sweetie! Of course you haven't forgotten your Lilly-girl~
You will always carry her in your heart!
Such a sweet, heartfelt message to your little Angel.
Sometimes, when I am feeling really scared for Roy, I ask specific Angels to wrap their arms around him and help him through his pain....Lilly is always one I call on. Roy loves children~
Thank you for stopping by to check on us. I have not seen comments from you, and was not able to leave the last one I wrote for you, said the email was incorrect. I'm hoping this one goes through.

jo said...

Oh Lilly... how touching that you call on my Lilly to give big hugs to Roy in his times of need. I am sure she gives you hugs too (I am a hugger, so I am certain she is too :) )

My email has changed... it is now ... I'm sorry if it caused you problems!!

Thank you for your kind words when I am sure you are not feeling like being kind at all. Big hugs to you and Roy!